The vampire figure has long symbolized both power and suffering - embodying transformation, adaptation, and the relentless need to survive. It is a creature neither fully alive nor entirely dead. This work was captured during one of the worst periods of my illness, a state I have never fully emerged from. It represents a body and mind that is suspended in a state of uncertainty, unrecognizable from what once was. Caught between movement and paralysis, ecstasy and torment. The subject reaches toward transformation, but is unable to grasp it: stuck in a cycle of constant need and withdrawal.

Much like Carmilla, the vampire from Sheridan Le Fanu’s 1872 gothic novel, this work reflects the slow, insidious nature of my condition - where the suffering is not violent or sudden but a quiet, intimate torture.

The Weight of Un/Becoming is an elegy to that suspended state - an exploration of the transformation that comes with chronic illness, and the fear, longing, and exhaustion that accompanies it. Just as Carmilla lingers in the shadows, draining from those she touches, this work reflects a body that has been drained and transformed, yet still struggles to survive. 

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